After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
My cat gives me a boner
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
