What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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