she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
