She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Im part way to drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
