And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
