I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
