New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
