We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
