Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm way too hungover for life right now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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