Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
