Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
