Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
