Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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