Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
we're so committed to being not committed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
