Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
