the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
