She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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