I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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