grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
