my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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