so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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