Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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