Porn is love you can see.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
