I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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