He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
