did you get engaged???
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
