Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
