Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
FUCK WHALES
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
