i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
