I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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