Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
