Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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