garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
