pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
