Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
