my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
