is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
barbara walters just said penis...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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