Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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