From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
