Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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