jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
