No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
