3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
