Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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