so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
