He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
