I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
