my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
