I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
