Buhtt sex?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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