my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
