The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
